I've been sort of confused lately about dating and relationships. So, I'm going to make a giant spreadsheet of everything the PROPHETS AND APOSTLES have said about selecting a mate. Let it be your guiding star.
What factors should go into selecting a mate?
Elder Henry B. Eyring
This is the single most important bit of advice I think I can apply. It's more important than long lists of qualities. It's more important than defining so-called "deal breakers." It's the simple thought, "in the presence of this girl, am I willing to put forth great effort to be better than I was, without feeling like I am inadequate or unworthy?" That's the guiding principle. And don't be afraid to wait. Good, good things come to those who wait.
What factors should go into selecting a mate?
Elder Henry B. Eyring
- Earnest searching
- Prayerful consideration
- Person shares ideals for family
- Person has a conviction of the Lord's purpose for marriage
- Person is someone you would be willing to trust with your children's happiness
- We should NOT seek for perfection before entering into serious courting or or marriage
Elder Theodore M. Burton
- A knowledge of what kind of partner they would be
- Character
- Interests
- Talents
- Abilities
David O. McKay
- Some qualities of a prophet's wife:
- Sweetness of disposition
- Virtue
- Intelligence
- Unselfish Nature
- A reciprocation of affection
- Her "perfect qualities" won his love
- Possessing one of the truest and purest of souls
- Someone who inspires you to heroic deeds
That's all great, but there's literally thousands of girls at BYU who are sweet, virtuous, intelligent, unselfish, and have varied interests, talents, abilities, and etc. Most, if not all, share certain ideas about what a marriage should be. These are instilled regularly in Young Women's quorums and in Sunday School classes.
The next factor is very inspiring for me, and I like it a great deal. Here are some words of David O. McKay.
“Do you know that since I truly loved, I can better understand why the gallant knights of old always had a lady love to fight for. The very thought of pleasing her would nerve their arms, steel their swords, and make their courage dauntless. Each one would try to develop the best strength and activity that he could possibly reach that he might be the more worthy of the approbation of his lady."
You see how necessary it is to look for the characteristics of honesty, of loyalty, of chastity, and of reverence. But after having found them—“How, then,” you ask, “may you tell whether or not there is any consanguinity [or close connection], that something which will make you at least congenial in each other’s company?” “
Is there,” you ask, “some guide?” Though love is not always a true guide, especially if that love be not reciprocated or is bestowed upon a surly creature or a brute, yet certainly there is no happiness without love. “Well,” you may ask, “how may I know when I am in love?”
That is a very important question. … In the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel; in her presence you do not attempt to take advantage of her; in her presence you feel that you would like to be everything that a [great man] should become, for she will inspire you to that ideal. And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide. What does he inspire in you … ?
This is the single most important bit of advice I think I can apply. It's more important than long lists of qualities. It's more important than defining so-called "deal breakers." It's the simple thought, "in the presence of this girl, am I willing to put forth great effort to be better than I was, without feeling like I am inadequate or unworthy?" That's the guiding principle. And don't be afraid to wait. Good, good things come to those who wait.
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